NEWS FLASH! JAPANESE PRIME MINISTER SHINZO ABE SAVAGELY DEVOURED BY AMAZONIAN CARNIVOROUS PLANT ON LIVE TV!

From the Rogers News Sources (April 1, 2015, Tokyo, Japan):

The first in its kind in history: Former Japanese prime minister Shinzo Abe smiles seconds before his untimely demise by a savagely large and dangerous Amazonian Man-Eating Plant on live TV on March 31, 2015

The entire nation of Japan was in total and complete shock today when on live national TV, Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe was savagely devoured by a giant carnivorous man-eating plant. The dangerous and rare plant somehow wound up on the TV set of the NHK (national news station) studios by accident. 

The carnivorous plant was originally destined for the Botanical Garden at Ueno Zoo, but through a mix up with deliveries and schedules, the extremely dangerous, endangered, toxic and humongous Amazonian Man-Eating Plant (Dionabe Muscipula Giantor) was delivered to the news studio where Abe was scheduled for a speech, while a bouquet of pretty red flowers with pink ribbons went to the zoo.

While tens of millions of shocked viewers looked on, the plant first rudely criticized the suit Abe was wearing for poor taste, it then suddenly grabbed the prime minister by the head and swallowed him whole.

Staff at the NHK news team tried to save the prime minister by offering the deadly fauna the former prime minister and current finance minister Taro Aso instead. Unfortunately, like the former prime minister, their efforts were too little, too late.

Some in the TV audeince were quoted as saying, "who voted for that Aso anyway?"

It is expected that time and date of proceedings will be announced to a nation in mourning later today. 

Shinzo Abe will be sorely missed.

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