I lost nothing
Monday, May 4, 2015
Disgusting. I call your behaviour utterly repulsive and distasteful. Your words were so venomous I felt nauseous when I first heard them. I wouldn't lie - I was livid. I couldn't believe you could bring yourself to even mutter those words.
But I didn't say anything to defend myself. I didn't want you to have the satisfaction of knowing that your words affected me. I didn't even acknowledge your lies till today. I know I don't have to address those untruths - the discrepancies in your lies will speak for themselves. In time to come, those who believed you would see the kind of person they put their trust in.
I finally see who you are and understand what I've been told. You are the kind of person who would throw your friends under the bus for your own benefit. The kind of person I despise. You are revolting and obnoxious. You are the worst kind of liar out there - the kind who believe whatever's coming out of their mouth is the absolute truth.
You know it yourself. We never contacted each other since that fight, as if it's an unspoken rule that the first one to speak loses. Maybe it's my pride or another of those games you play. Or it's just that our friendship was only meant to last a few months. Those months flew by and soon it was too late to mend anything so I accepted the loss of our friendship and let things go.
When you gossiped, you always said to keep it low. The walls have ears, you'd say. The same logic applies - just because we no longer meet doesn't mean I don't hear about you. When I heard what you said, of course I was irritated. If you had meant to invoke my anger then congrats, I'm not ashamed to say that you won the game. I was both resentful and distressed.
After I've calmed down, I asked myself why did I let a petty rumour like that affect me? You know me; you know I never let anyone's words get to me. More so if I know it's not true. Then I realised it's because I cared deeply for you as a friend.
Despite all the accusations thrown at you, I've always defended you and I've never once opened my mouth to even mumble something bad about you. Never ever. Ask anyone I've spoken to - I spoke nothing but the truth and even defended your character. Many disagreed with you, but I tried to get them to understand the rationale behind your actions.
I never once said I wasn't at fault too. I was partly to blame and this, I admit. When I spoke of our fight, I always told people to keep in mind there are three sides to every story - yours, mine and the truth. Unfortunately, you only remembered one. And so you used what you saw as the truth, as a tool to hurt me.
Yes, you hurt me. Yes, for a moment I felt betrayed and was left with a bitter taste in my mouth. Just for a fleeting moment. Because when that moment passed, I realised this is the best ending I could get. Knowing that I've moved on and you haven't, I've learnt to forgive and you haven't, I've grew up and you are still there spreading a rumour a secondary school student would be proud of.
I did what a good friend would have done to the best of my ability but I can't say the same about you. You lost me, I lost nothing.