The Tiger's Top Ten: Weirdest Attack Names
Monday, April 18, 2011
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| Now that's a guy who really loves his wife. ^^ |
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| Mazinger as his chest panels are starting to warm up. I would have captured it as he was actually firing the thing, but then we couldn't see the robot. |
This one is an easy target, but it's not nearly as gratuitous as some of the others. The reason it is called this is because it is exactly was it says. A giant robot fires laser beams out of it's chest armor. Although many people could get the wrong idea if they hadn't actually seen Mazinger Z. (You know who you are, perverts!) I can't say I've actually seen the show in completion but I can tell you it's got a history. Apparently it started the mecha anime boom of the 1970's, so naturally, there would be a lot of firsts. (You can see all of those firsts at the wiki page if you're curious. Although I didn't expect when starting the planning for this article that it would be the first to be affectionately mocked in this countdown.
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| So cute, and yet, so bizarre. |
We remember Pokemon right? How when we were little we'd sit down in front of the TV every day, (at least, my generation did), and watch the original Pokemon series with Ash and Misty and Brock? If you do, then you probably remember Togepi, that little egg thing that Misty was always carrying around (so that Nintendo could generate excitement about the upcoming release of Pokemon Gold and Silver, come on, we know it's true). We also probably remember that it had this attack called Metronome. I never could get my head around why this attack was given this name. Anyone who knows anything about music should know that a Metronome is a device used by musicians to keep a steady beat so they can practice playing at certain speeds. While older models had a weight on a stick that was attached to a pendulum mechanism, more modern ones just make an electronic clicking noise. I fail to see how the name for such a device would possibly invoke the meaning of "do a random move that could be absolutely anything." That just does not make any logical sense, which is why, I've labeled it number 9.
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| I guess explosions can be cathartic, though given the job they've been assigned, blowing up buildings seems rather counterproductive. |
While viewers don't actually get to see this attack on screen (which is a shame, because I bet it would be incredibly funny based on the overall tone of the show) it does make a person wonder what it does and why it would have such a name. Judging from this image from Excel Saga, it is apparently very explosive which would suggest to me that the person enacting it is working through some pretty intense character issues. Given that Excel Saga is more of an experimental comedy, it's probably better not to read too much into it. The plot is apparently that the city's security force has been given a set of costumes that are intended to spoof the Super Sentai genre. But maybe wearing those stupid costumes was more stressful then this lady at first admitted. I could understand seeing as the boss won't let them take the suits off until they've stopped ten evil deeds.
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| Apparently "Giant Boulder Throw!" wasn't campy enough. |
In all fairness, this is the literal translation of the Japanese name for this attack from the series Naruto, the official Japanese name for which is "Doryou Dango" but Sphere of Graves, the official Funimation version isn't much better in terms of fitting properly and both would have worked much better as a name for the attack Naruto and his posse escape out of at the beginning of the episode. This looks more like a guy throwing a giant rock. Maybe the premise was that the rock was so heavy it would smash opponents into their graves and be the stone to mark them, but I can't help but think that this guy just wanted to be original and ended up popping an anuerism trying to come up with something creative. Did it really have to be that complicated? Who can say? But that's is why it ranks #7 on this list.
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| Gotta watch out for those masters of pressure point techniques, they can apparently make you so sensitive you''ll never be able to get near a hot bath again! |
This is actually a practice technique used to increase speed, but it counts, because Ranma calls it out the first time he/she uses it for real (in Japanese anyway). Yeah, in Ranma 1/2, Ranma can be either a guy or a girl depending on what part of the story you're tuning in on. At this point, Ranma is a she and she's become stuck as a female because Shampoo's grandmother wants her to marry her granddaughter and is blackmailing her by telling her she won't allow her to turn back into a "he" until she either gives in or masters this technique. And she knows the pressure points to make that a reality. Not only that, but she cheats! However you look at it, it's a pretty wacky name for an technique and deserving of the #6 slot.
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| Making pacifism kick ass since 1995. |
Ah Slayers. In the original series, Amelia's father, the crown prince of Sey Ruhn likes to go out on his own in disguise and mingle with the populace. There are a couple of problems with this, one of them being that his family is full of power hungry jerks who don't mind if he disappears. The other one happens to be that he claims he is a staunch pacifist. Thus we get the most commonly used of his attacks, the Pacifist Crush, along with All Men Brothers Hand in Hand, Goodwill Towards all Men Smash and so on and so forth. However, I freely admit that this fighting style was designed to be mocked, and the cast of the show does so with gusto, calling the name oxymoronic (which is true) which is why I ranked it somewhat low on the list compared to some of the subsequent ones that are to follow.
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| That's a Double Sundae? But you didn't do anything! >< |
This is why Anime needs better translators, and better localization departments. This attack is one of the first we see used in the series Dragon Ball Z. It is used by Goku's brother Raditz (or almost used anyway, as he kinda stops in mid-swing) after coming to Earth on behalf of the surviving Saiyans to find out why Earth isn't destroyed yet. When Dragon Ball Z first came to the United States, it was dubbed by Ocean Studios, and then later Funimation went back and did their own. As a result we have one dub where this attack is called Keep Your Eye on the Birdie, and one in which the same attack is called Double Sundae. Either way, both attack names deserve to be mocked as they are both ridiculous and nonsensical. For those of you who are wondering why I didn't choose the Kamehameha wave, well, believe it or not, that one actually makes some sense if you know Japanese. Akira Toriyama did name that attack after the last King of Hawaii, however, it gets an extra language bonus if one realizes that Master Roshi (the guy who taught Goku the wave) is the turtle hermit, which is "Kame Sennin" in Japanese. Therefore, it also serves as an extension of his character's theme, which is also why his home is called the Kame House. It is exotic enough to deserve an honorable mention though. On a side note, it is said that Akira Toriyama went out of his way to have his alien characters use English words and phrases to make them seem more exotic and alien. (What does that say about the Japanese view about Americans? That's a question for another time.) As a result, a lot of the attack names are actually spoken in English in the Japanese dub when they are called out. Whatever you call it, it's a good fit for the 4th position.
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| How about I stick this shining finger up your... err... never mind.... |
If any of you saw Mobile Fighter G-Gundam when you were growing up then this one is probably burned into your brains. While it was a short-lived series on Cartoon Network, it was so horribly melodramatic I doubt anyone could forget it, not mention, can you imagine how hard it must have been for the English voice actor to say this line every single episode without breaking down laughing? I mean, there are so many bad jokes you could make about this move! (Many of them not fit for polite company.) And later when he upgraded the move, we got an extra monologue that we had to watch along with it. Anyone who watched it should remember that. "This hand of mine burns with an awesome power. It's burning grip tells me to defeat you!... etc. etc.... Shining Finger!" Sure the only one that really tops this one is the attack from the final episode where Domon and Rain do this as a tag-team attack (while standing outside the Gundam's cockpit AS IT'S MOVING, no less) but because the normal mode is the more iconic one, it got the #3 spot.
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| *Awkward Silence*... |
I swear, I could not make this up. Just looking at this attack name, you'd think it came out of some hentai anime that I really should be ashamed of myself for ever even considering watching. The truth is, it didn't. Sailor Moon was intended for teenage girls right? Well, there is clearly no room for ambiguity about this attack name, as it is written and spoken in transliterated English during the Sailor Stars portion of the Sailor Moon series. Naturally, in the English version, they cleaned this up because the moral guardians would have thrown a fit if that had played unedited, but it is still interesting to contemplate the parental conversations that could have been, had this been allowed across the Pacific unscathed.
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| Hurray for internet memes! |
So how did this one beat out the last one for the #1 spot? It's quite simple my friend. It has no possible connection to the attack it represents, it has been the source of so many memes it's hard to keep track, and the attack itself is so ridiculous, it's awesome. I don't know how many of you have heard of Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, (I only just heard about it recently myself) but that is where this attack originates. It comes from Dio Brando, the villain of the series. Naturally, the name is a Japanisization of "The World" which sounds normal enough. However, I have no idea how "The World" (an incomplete sentence fragment referring to topics ranging from "the planet you live on" to "the plane of existence you inhabit") could translate into stopping time, throwing a rain of daggers at your enemy and then adding insult to injury by throwing a steamroller at them while shouting "Muda Muda Muda" over and over again. (For the curious, Muda is Japanese for useless.) In fact, I fail to see how such a title could be used for an attack name at all. It doesn't sound the least bit threatening to the uninitiated and yet the attack it represents seems capable of doing so much damage. Although this is probably part of why it's held so much of a presence in the consciousness of anime fans and gamers alike. We all know that if a character hears this move called, it's too late to run and for most opponents, it's horrible overkill, in spite of the silly name. And that's my pick for #1.
Well, until next week folks, hope you enjoyed it, and if you have any other weird attack names you'd like to honorably mention, feel free to talk about them below.
Images taken from Dragon Ball Z, Excel Saga, Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, Mazinger Z, Mobile Fighter G-Gundam, Naruto, Pokemon, Ranma 1/2, Sailor Moon (Sailor Stars), Slayers, and Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann,